Bad Backs & Magic Knickers!

Bad backs..Something many are afflicted with I believe?
Magic Knickers are something you may or may not be acquainted with, depending of course on whether you need to wear them – or not! You can probably guess what they are of course, but I had better explain for the likes of those who, very annoyingly do not have an extra ounce of flesh on them that would warrant them wearing them in the first place.

Putting it simply, Magic Knickers are large tight knickers made from Spandex. There sole purpose in life is to cut off all feeling from the waist down (and up), prevent natural breathing occurring, whilst ensuring a feeling of constant nausea. Of course, its main function is supposed to be to flatten and pull in a tubby tummy, but somewhere in between one gets the odd bump or roll when the excess flesh attempts to escape. Initially, a reasonable silhouette can be created especially when trying a dress on in the changing room of your local department store. However wearing this magical number for more than five minutes should carry a Health Warning.
Priced at around £30 these nifty knickers are all the rage. Buy one too small and expect life-limiting results. Too big and you just don’t get the required look.

Now, my Mother at 78 is a true fashionista. She looks at all the fashion makeover programmes and can tell you at a glance what your body shape is, as declared by the infamous ‘Trinny & Susannah’. “You’re a perfect melon darling!” she proudly tells me. “No Mum, I think you’ll find I am an apple shape”. Then it will be “Oh so and so is just such a ‘brick’ or the lady across the road is the perfect ‘vase’. Takes it all very seriously does my lovely Mum.

My Mum and fashion go together like cheese and wine or lemon and meringue. In fact she has always been someone I have looked up to as she is constantly in the vogue as they say always one step ahead with the colours and shapes of the season. I’m very proud of her. No matter how much I think I have got my ‘look’ together I always feel just ever so slightly ragged around the edges when standing next to my Mum. She just seems to have the edge you see. I suppose I should have taken heed many years ago, during the 70’s I believe when she took me aside one day and said, most gently whispering “to wear too many colours darling can make one look like a carnival float”. Oh, so that’s been my look for the past thirty years – ‘The Carnival Float Look’-Totally unique to me of course. Anyone interested do contact me for hints and tips on how you too can look like a carnival float.

At 78 Mum struggles with severe back pain owing to some of the discs in her spine ‘fusing’, this has not only caused her to lose height a little but leaves her in much pain and discomfort often finding walking around the house difficult or almost impossible at times. This doesn’t get in the way of her love of fashion of course – oh no! It’s still off to M&S almost on a weekly basis to keep up with the changing fashions and seasons. The postman on her round almost has to bring a trailer for all the mail order packages from various fashion houses for her! No, she is most certainly an inspiration in many ways.
So this week when trying on and choosing her latest LBD for the various Christmas functions she will attend, she made sure she took Trinny & Susannah’s advice to the hilt and bought herself two pairs of Magic Knickers to help create the right look. Seeing just how effective these Magic Knickers were she decided to wear them the next day under her normal everyday clothes. Amazingly she soon discovered that not only did they keep her tummy looking pretty trim, but more importantly they gave her relief from her spinal problems! Incredibly it seemed to give her almost instant pain removal – such a joy! She really couldn’t believe it. Only the previous week she had been in so much pain and discomfort she had been to see the doctor yet again, but knew that there was nothing he could offer her only more strong painkillers which didn’t really seem to do the job or the vague possibility of facing a very major operation that may help her, but could also possibly paralyse her. So it wasn’t much of an option for someone of 78. She would have to put up with it. She had put much hope in having an epidural to relieve her discomfort, but was most disappointed when this too failed to provide the relief she was seeking.

So a pair of £30 Magic Knickers does the job! Not only do they help in keeping the tummy a little trimmer, but allows for a relatively discomfort free day! – Amazing!

So, its Magic Knickers in your Christmas stocking then? Just think of the benefits – no more going to the gym! Being able to consume large meals! – Looking good – and with back pain relief. And you skinny ones amongst us – just remain feeling smug that you will never have to squeeze yourself into a pair of these delights – Unless, of course you have a little backache!

As for me for the time being I will happily continue with the carnival float look, tummy et all!