A Bird By The Fire..

No, not this sort of bird. Although Marilyn Monroe was rather gorgeous wasn't she? Imagine looking that good in thermal underwear eh? I just wish I could look that good in my outer clothes let alone underwear. Oh well, a girl can dream can't she?
I'm talking the feathered variety - Starlings. Actually, two of them in my living room flying about like poor crazy frightened things.. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a bird hater or anything like that. I love birds...outside and flying about doing all the things that birds should do..but not as unwelcome (and badly behaved) house guests.

There I was enjoying a reasonably industrious morning in the study,not studying exactly, but then who actually does study in a study?.. when Hollie Dog stopped snorring...Now if a Cavalier King Charles (specially an old and dreamy one like Hol) actually stops snoring - life comes to an abupt halt due to the fact one can hear yourself think for once. I am convinced that Hollie's snoring must reach ten on the Official Snoring Scale For Dogs - Her (okay...our) whole bed literally shakes - Even on the remote occasion where she will steep herself low enough to sleep on the floor (remember we are talking Cavalier King Charles Spaniels here who are convinced that Royal blood flows through their viens) -the floor vibrates! Therefore when she does actually cease this magnificent noise just for a few seconds we tend to think she has suddenly taken a turn for the worse and go rushing to her side in a panic, or we realise that we can actually hear ourselves think. Either way, a fluttery moment. - Therefore when I did have a few moments to actually 'think' this morning I was suddenly made aware of a right old racket going on downstairs. A noise similar to what could only be described as the sort of noise large plastic sheets would make if they were being flapped about.. Just for a second I wondered if we had Plastic Sheet Flapping Burglars - after all, you never know these days..


Not only could I hear what sounded like plastic sheets being flapped about, but I could detect the clatter of items being knocked over and, well, just chaos really.. I gingerly make my way downstairs . Ever helpful to her Mistress in mortal danger, Hollie had gone back to sleep with her head firmly jammed under the pillow , it was evident that she too didn't much care for the sound of Plastic Sheet Flapping Burglars either. Nervously I stuck my head 'round the living room door and quickly found myself ducking as two crazed and frightened birds flew manically around the room desperate in their attempt to find a way out. Poor things! - My foot. Talking of feet, that was when one of them left something nasty and slimey running down my new Christmas slipper...


Resisting the urge to flap my arms in the air and scream and run around like something out of 'The Birds' I managed to open the windows wide. Just as these two poor crazed creatures made their swift escape to freedom, a neighbour chose that very moment to walk past the house...giving me a wave and wishing me a Happy New Year. "Oh Yes! Thank you!" I said, "Happy New Year to You too!". It's now going to take me all of this year to convince my neighbour that I am not some weird person who keeps wild birds locked up in her living room..


I just hope the Starling Darlings enjoyed their visit - I feel sure they did, for they left me several little 'gifts' strewn across the furniture, walls and windows. No only that, but in their excitement at arriving down my chimney they brought with them a significant amount of black soot from inside the chimney that was now clinging to the carpet.. Try getting that off your pink fluffy thermals Marilyn.


How these poor creatures actually got down my chimney I cannot imagine. Hubby says they must have 'just fallen down' which I think is a bit daft, 'cos surely birds don't just slip and fall? Youngest son suggested they both flew down the chimney deliberately 'for something to do'. Older City Son wisely said 'It happens'. Middle Seaside Son gave me a lecture on the dangers of bringing wild birds into the house and the diseases one can catch... Whilst Both Brave Daughters said that if the Starling Darlings had flown in when they had been at home on their own they would have run out of the house screaming. Great girls , I know I can count on you both in a crisis then..


Considering the living room had only just received its post Christmas 'BIG' clean a couple of days ago when everyone had returned to work after Christmas I was none too pleased at having to start again. So much so, that when hubby went back to work after lunch my parting shot was something along the lines of him having to climb up on the roof (tonight..and yes, it is dark and cold) and put some wire over the chimney to prevent these Starling Darlings from paying us another visit anytime soon. "Yes love" he said with that tone of 'sometime in the future I might get on to it , but there's the big chance that it will never happen'. - A tone many a wife will recognise- Let's say that after thirty odd years together it only takes a look as a response.. And HIS parting comment was "What's for dinner tonight love?" ...to which I will not share my response...or maybe I should have said 'Starling, darling'.


Birds eh?